I ask myself how come I struggled to find a counsellor, therapist or mental health professional who could understand my problems and deliver an effective, lasting treatment which I felt really helped ME?
[First read about MBTI and Big 5]
I'm noticing the difference between happy INTJs and unhappy ones seems to come down to their Big 5 Emotional stability score. I believe the correlation between these results identifies a very specific sub group of individuals who will all experience very similar problems in life and I begin wondering if there is a specific method for helping these types of INTJs to feel happy and deal with problems? Psychology based therapy generally seems to use a "one size fits all" approach, and I've not heard of treatments which are determined and tailored by assessing a combined MBTI and Big 5 score. At this moment, I believe constructing a treatment model with this in mind could make a big difference in how effective therapy and help is to certain individuals.
Currently most therapists assess patients with mood rating tests and leave it at that. Sure- that shows how depressed or anxious someone is, or even filter out issues like compulsive behaviour, but they do not then seem to have a method for treating different personalities from the start, and instead attempt to use a universal rule for treating each patient, or try to figure out how that patient thinks over several sessions, which could be a waste of time and resources. Even after several sessions, that doesn't mean a therapist would have figured out their patient's personality, or even know what to do to specifically treat their personality type. I don't have the answers for treatments for different types, or even my own, but I have learned that people with my personality type will not feel comfortable with someone who can not comprehend our way of thinking, seeing the world and communicating. I wonder if this contributes to why therapy is not always effective and perhaps such assessments could lay the ground work for generally delivering an improved and more efficient mental health service?
Basically- how about treating patients after first assessing their general personality type and using a specific structure of treatment for that type?
If only a psychology team in a hospital could research my idea further to check it's valid, work out different therapy strategies for the different personality types and then trial this assessment method to see if it had a positive impact.
There may still be a universal rule which would effectively treat nearly all different personality types in one hit, but certainly such a therapy method does not seem to be recognised and used on a wide scale as far am I know. I was informed that a certain scientific test (I'm unable to cite a reference now) proved that a psychotherapist's treatment is as effective OR LESS than a typical housewife with no experience in psychology and treating patients.
I'll write more about Anthony Robbins later, but as an example, I believe if the NHS were to treat patients by investing in one his seminars filled with 1000 patients suffering with depression, mood problems, negativity etc, it would be more effective than a dozen individual therapy sessions for each patient. Something needs to change with the current mental health service BIG TIME, that's for sure!
Wednesday, 28 March 2012
Sunday, 25 March 2012
The INTJ Forum
I've been spending time visiting the INTJ Forum over the last year. I basically use it as a soundboard for any semi-intelligent opinions I might have. Most of the members are smart and I respect that. My intelligent side feels at home there :) I can join in a really interesting, deep discussion about 'Free will' or debate the pros and cons of democracy with people able to post well thought out and valid arguments (most of the time). I've learned a lot there. It's opened my mind up and helped me make better conclusions about the world. INTJs generally have quite strong opinions which are often very different yet also very valid. It's such a refreshing contrast to typical dumb TV, celebrity gossip and the majority of people I've met and spoke to over my life time.
I want to add some of my posts and replies to the blog for reference. Also, sometimes I say something which, for me, is pretty fucking smart and I guess I'm kinda proud of such observations and statements :D
I want to add some of my posts and replies to the blog for reference. Also, sometimes I say something which, for me, is pretty fucking smart and I guess I'm kinda proud of such observations and statements :D
Friday, 9 March 2012
What's wrong with my brain?
There's so many syndromes, mental disorders and ailments out there which I recognise and could be classed as. I'm sure pretty much every single human being has at least one or two! Here are a few I've identified of myself.
In order or relevance:
bi-polor depression, panic attacks, multiple personalities, the personality disorders: boarder line, antisocial, narcissistic, schizoid, PTS, body dysmorphic disorder, sleep disorders - to name a few.
I guess to have 15 items on a list like this is pretty worrying! Although for a lot of them you can't have one without the other, so in actual fact you could say I'm only inflicted with 5 or 6 tops. Having this kinda insight is always a good start and makes me feel a little better to know I'm not the only person dealing with these problems. I'm sure there are a lot of people like me who have ended up isolating themselves and living a very limited lifestyle through no fault of their own. The moral do-gooder in me wants to support similar people! And also want to be supported in the same way as sufferers of more obvious mental health problems or physical conditions.
Perhaps these ailments are directly what's been effecting my mood? I tried plotting out how I've been feeling recently, and this pretty much sums up recent years too! I want to get to that green state, but currently spending too much time well under a decent base mood, so will have a long way to go to get there! At least it's insightful to see a visual representation of how I feel and in comparison with other people around me.
In order or relevance:
- Atypical Depression
- AvPD [Avoidant personality disorder]
- Atychiphobia [phobia of failure]
- Social Anxiety & Social Phobia
- Existential Anxiety
- Thanatophobia [phobia of death]
- GAD [Generalized Anxiety Disorder]
- Eating Disorder
- Major / Clinical Depressive Disorder
- Dysthymia & Chronic Depression (Long term)
- Circadian Rhythm Disorder/s
- Mild Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
- SAD [Seasonal Effect Disorder]
- A small degree of OCD and Autism
- A small degree of Dependant Personality Disorder
bi-polor depression, panic attacks, multiple personalities, the personality disorders: boarder line, antisocial, narcissistic, schizoid, PTS, body dysmorphic disorder, sleep disorders - to name a few.
I guess to have 15 items on a list like this is pretty worrying! Although for a lot of them you can't have one without the other, so in actual fact you could say I'm only inflicted with 5 or 6 tops. Having this kinda insight is always a good start and makes me feel a little better to know I'm not the only person dealing with these problems. I'm sure there are a lot of people like me who have ended up isolating themselves and living a very limited lifestyle through no fault of their own. The moral do-gooder in me wants to support similar people! And also want to be supported in the same way as sufferers of more obvious mental health problems or physical conditions.
Perhaps these ailments are directly what's been effecting my mood? I tried plotting out how I've been feeling recently, and this pretty much sums up recent years too! I want to get to that green state, but currently spending too much time well under a decent base mood, so will have a long way to go to get there! At least it's insightful to see a visual representation of how I feel and in comparison with other people around me.
Sunday, 4 March 2012
Meeting ladies off the internet
#1 Miss P
2pm: I met with a fellow depression & anxiety sufferer from the site Nolongerlonely.com. She was 6 years older and lives two hours away. Originally from Slovakia, she's lived in the UK for 10 years. It's always a tiny bit unsettling when I talk to non-natives as I suspect certain words and jokes might get lost in translation. I try to be conscious of this and also speak a little slower and more clearly.
Before we met I never saw her as potential girlfriend material and after meeting that was definitely confirmed. I guess she might like me in that way, but for me there wasn't even a hint of attraction there. Our issues were actually very similar though and it was a relief to chat to someone about mental health issues who had tried near as much to resolve their problems and was going through the same thing. A total contrast to previous group therapy sessions where everyone else was all so different. I suspected she was also an INJT/P like myself with a similar Big 5/SLOAN. I'll have to ask her MBTI score in an email some time.
Overall, it was great to get out the house and meet someone new. It was good that we could relate on the mental health front and I imagine we'll meet again. In the mean time, it might be good to email and discuss our progress (or lack of). I'm not sure what her plans are to change as she has a lot of genuine excuses and overall seems to have less opportunity than I do. At least I have my parent's support, some money behind me, get to see my bro for a movie or gaming session once a week. Plus I feel that my social skills and lifestyle standards are more advanced than her, making things a little easier for me. In fact she's very similar to my buddy Mr G, but perhaps more mature and a little more intelligent? The fact that she is similar means that I probably couldn't expect to relate fully, have a proper laugh with or experience too much positivity. I'm all too aware how I can only cope with so much bitching and 'life's shit' before I start feeling really down!
Kudos: Made the effort to meet someone new and made a new friend, if not acquaintance.
#2 Miss V
8pm: I met with a typical, "normal" girl from Plentyoffish. She was 6 years younger and lives about 30 minutes away. She seemed really nice- reasonably mature, intelligent and generally had all her shit together. She presented herself well and I liked the way she dressed! We had a few things in common but nothing like my best friend E, which is always disappointing. 99.9% of women aren't gonna have as much in common with me as I'd ideally like, so it's something I'm trying to come to terms with and not get caught up trying to look for that illusive 0.1% who totally get me and vice versa.
On the surface we seem pretty well matched so in theory she'd make a suitable girlfriend! The date went well, but I really don't know if she would consider it 'well' enough to want to see me again. I've been on 4 or 5 other dates in the past which also went 'well', but didn't end up amounting to anything, so I'm trying to downplay her value, the experience and not raise my hopes. I didn't do any of the 'kino' or playful banter all the dating experts would advise on. To be honest, I just didn't have the balls and also wouldn't know how to work that into my semi-dry, semi-intellectual persona. If it went to a second date in a week or two, I'd need to make that my number 1 priority, risk the pulling back or rejection and put less importance in what I say for example.
Overall it was another move in a positive reaction. I'm exhausted from from all the social contact, but was worth the effort. It makes me appreciate the holes in my 'game' and gave me an opportunity to interact with the outside world instead of hiding away playing games or watching films. Kudos!
2pm: I met with a fellow depression & anxiety sufferer from the site Nolongerlonely.com. She was 6 years older and lives two hours away. Originally from Slovakia, she's lived in the UK for 10 years. It's always a tiny bit unsettling when I talk to non-natives as I suspect certain words and jokes might get lost in translation. I try to be conscious of this and also speak a little slower and more clearly.
Before we met I never saw her as potential girlfriend material and after meeting that was definitely confirmed. I guess she might like me in that way, but for me there wasn't even a hint of attraction there. Our issues were actually very similar though and it was a relief to chat to someone about mental health issues who had tried near as much to resolve their problems and was going through the same thing. A total contrast to previous group therapy sessions where everyone else was all so different. I suspected she was also an INJT/P like myself with a similar Big 5/SLOAN. I'll have to ask her MBTI score in an email some time.
Overall, it was great to get out the house and meet someone new. It was good that we could relate on the mental health front and I imagine we'll meet again. In the mean time, it might be good to email and discuss our progress (or lack of). I'm not sure what her plans are to change as she has a lot of genuine excuses and overall seems to have less opportunity than I do. At least I have my parent's support, some money behind me, get to see my bro for a movie or gaming session once a week. Plus I feel that my social skills and lifestyle standards are more advanced than her, making things a little easier for me. In fact she's very similar to my buddy Mr G, but perhaps more mature and a little more intelligent? The fact that she is similar means that I probably couldn't expect to relate fully, have a proper laugh with or experience too much positivity. I'm all too aware how I can only cope with so much bitching and 'life's shit' before I start feeling really down!
Kudos: Made the effort to meet someone new and made a new friend, if not acquaintance.
#2 Miss V
8pm: I met with a typical, "normal" girl from Plentyoffish. She was 6 years younger and lives about 30 minutes away. She seemed really nice- reasonably mature, intelligent and generally had all her shit together. She presented herself well and I liked the way she dressed! We had a few things in common but nothing like my best friend E, which is always disappointing. 99.9% of women aren't gonna have as much in common with me as I'd ideally like, so it's something I'm trying to come to terms with and not get caught up trying to look for that illusive 0.1% who totally get me and vice versa.
On the surface we seem pretty well matched so in theory she'd make a suitable girlfriend! The date went well, but I really don't know if she would consider it 'well' enough to want to see me again. I've been on 4 or 5 other dates in the past which also went 'well', but didn't end up amounting to anything, so I'm trying to downplay her value, the experience and not raise my hopes. I didn't do any of the 'kino' or playful banter all the dating experts would advise on. To be honest, I just didn't have the balls and also wouldn't know how to work that into my semi-dry, semi-intellectual persona. If it went to a second date in a week or two, I'd need to make that my number 1 priority, risk the pulling back or rejection and put less importance in what I say for example.
Overall it was another move in a positive reaction. I'm exhausted from from all the social contact, but was worth the effort. It makes me appreciate the holes in my 'game' and gave me an opportunity to interact with the outside world instead of hiding away playing games or watching films. Kudos!
Monday, 27 February 2012
MHSUEP - Review
MHSUEP Stands for "Mental Health Service User Engagement Project". Basically, it's a local charity organization to help people with mental health problems. To quote from their website, their aim is:
"To collaboratively engage, empower and support people with mental health issues in Medway to build confidence and participation in the design and delivery of services, to have a voice and meet others in similar situations through the provision of various groups"
From what I can gather and to sum it up: the organization's primary purpose is to facilitate a real-life bi-weekly forum whereby issues regarding local mental health services are discussed. The idea is to get feedback from people who have experienced local NHS health services so that these services can be improved. The organization's secondary purpose is to provide occasional activities for mental health suffers to get them out the house, tackle isolation and be with like-minded people etc. These include 'Art activities' and a 'Walk and talk' session.
How does this relate to me?
I have had issues with depression, anxiety, been through the health system and hoped the MHSUEP would prove to be something I could be involved in, get me out the house and most of all, the chance to develop friendships without the need to bullshit about how happy and positive I am! I'm still at the early stages of my transformation, so while I'd love to just do the normal thing of striking up conversations at the gym or in clubs, I also don't know if I'm ready for that. Or at least, meeting people this way takes a lot of pressure off.
Thoughts on the Forum:
It's a semi-formal meet held every 2 weeks and lasts for one and a half hours. I've checked it out twice so far and it has definitely been worth attending. There's an agenda and structure to each meet, which I love. Having topics to focus on and discuss, or listen to is so much better than a big free-for-all moan about our problems, like you might find in certain depression support groups for example.
The people there have one or two things in common with me although overall they are nothing like me! One thing we can typically all agree on is the inadequate way in which the health service is run! I'm not one to just bitch about it through ignorance, and I didn't join up to complain nor try to make a difference! But it seems pretty clear how certain health services could be drastically improved yet haven't been for no good reason, or there are huge gaps in care for patients which aren't being provided. I'm not alone when I describe my experiences with the NHS or private treatment and therapy in general.
Typical example of an inadequacy: if someone is depressed to the point they seek help, the best case scenario for most people is 6-10 sessions of an hour a week CBT or counselling, then you're left to fend for yourself whether you have recovered from the depression or not. Perhaps a small dose of therapy and maybe an antidepressant is enough to get the majority back on track..? I don't know. What I have learned is that it's not sufficient treatment for a lot of mental health sufferers, myself included. I appreciate money plays a big part in things and could discuss this issue in A LOT more detail, but suffice to say, when it comes down to it, sufferers of depression, anxiety and so on require long term support and such support is not being delivered or is difficult to find.
Regarding the other forum members: they all seem like nice enough people, but I don't feel there is potential to build the kind of friendships I'd like. I just seem to live differently and have a different attitude to the other members. Perhaps I feel I'm above them as my standard of living and expectations of what I want from my life are higher? Perhaps my age and gender play a big part in my feelings of disconnection also?
I guess it's not surprising that I can't relate to, say, the more typical 45 year old female addict with 2 kids, work aspirations limited to her part time job as a cleaner and spends her free time reading celeb gossip magazines. I'm the complete opposite- A 29 year old single guy, no addictive behaviours, no kids, aspires to be a competent artist and designer who likes video games and philosophy!
[Hmm! My personality is an enigma even to myself as I just don't seem to fit into any generic categories. I'll cover that in future posts!]
Thoughts on the Art Activities:
It's an informal meet held every week and lasts for one and a half hours. I've checked it out twice so far and it doesn't offer me a great deal to be honest. I wanted an excuse to go somewhere new to chat, do some drawing, and be inspired but half the members I've met on these activity days don't just have anxiety or depression issues, but a degree of learning difficulties too. Discussing quantum theory or philosophical, ethical debate isn't something I can get stuck into when I'm sat next to a couple in their 50s slurping on cups of tea, farting, burping and failing to colour in between the lines of a children's Disney colouring book! Lol. As someone who likes deep conversation and drawing to a near professional level, it's a pretty funny contrast! Admittedly there are a few others who I could have a more regular conversation with although I don't think it will be something I'll want to attend on a regular basis if at all any more.
Thoughts on the Walk & Talk:
This was what I had originally enquired about when I joined the group, although I've yet to go on one of the walks. They're on once a month so waiting for the next one to come around. Do I want to go on it already knowing the kind of people likely to attend? Hmm... not really. I'll think about it.
Final Thoughts:
Its always a good thing to have these kinds of groups available to those who want to attend. It's just a shame it doesn't really cater for me personally- In an ideal world it would be a support group for single/lonely 18-40 year olds who are committed to transforming their lives and situation from a state of social anxiety and negative thoughts into social confidence and a positive attitude.
Instead, the current format mainly just give it's 40-50 year old (primarily) members some place to be for one and a half hours a week. That's a start and better than nothing I guess. If I knew there was a need, I'd create my own support group!
Kudos to me for making the effort to check this thing out. It was a positive step in the right direction and you have to give these things a chance to know if they're worth doing or not :)
In an indirect way I liked the fact I felt I was better than most of the members I'd met. I'm sure they all have their own talents and values, but I dressed better, I looked more attractive, I seemed more intelligent, more socially capable and considerate of other people. Yes, yes, it's shallow and egoistical to think you're 'better' than others and get pleasure from that kinda thing, but right now I don't care. My self esteem is at a real low, so I am happy to boost it anyway I can, and perhaps later when I'm feeling more up to it, I can begin to find inner-peace and confidence without needing to stoke my ego by comparing myself to others worse off than me.
"To collaboratively engage, empower and support people with mental health issues in Medway to build confidence and participation in the design and delivery of services, to have a voice and meet others in similar situations through the provision of various groups"
From what I can gather and to sum it up: the organization's primary purpose is to facilitate a real-life bi-weekly forum whereby issues regarding local mental health services are discussed. The idea is to get feedback from people who have experienced local NHS health services so that these services can be improved. The organization's secondary purpose is to provide occasional activities for mental health suffers to get them out the house, tackle isolation and be with like-minded people etc. These include 'Art activities' and a 'Walk and talk' session.
How does this relate to me?
I have had issues with depression, anxiety, been through the health system and hoped the MHSUEP would prove to be something I could be involved in, get me out the house and most of all, the chance to develop friendships without the need to bullshit about how happy and positive I am! I'm still at the early stages of my transformation, so while I'd love to just do the normal thing of striking up conversations at the gym or in clubs, I also don't know if I'm ready for that. Or at least, meeting people this way takes a lot of pressure off.
Thoughts on the Forum:
It's a semi-formal meet held every 2 weeks and lasts for one and a half hours. I've checked it out twice so far and it has definitely been worth attending. There's an agenda and structure to each meet, which I love. Having topics to focus on and discuss, or listen to is so much better than a big free-for-all moan about our problems, like you might find in certain depression support groups for example.
The people there have one or two things in common with me although overall they are nothing like me! One thing we can typically all agree on is the inadequate way in which the health service is run! I'm not one to just bitch about it through ignorance, and I didn't join up to complain nor try to make a difference! But it seems pretty clear how certain health services could be drastically improved yet haven't been for no good reason, or there are huge gaps in care for patients which aren't being provided. I'm not alone when I describe my experiences with the NHS or private treatment and therapy in general.
Typical example of an inadequacy: if someone is depressed to the point they seek help, the best case scenario for most people is 6-10 sessions of an hour a week CBT or counselling, then you're left to fend for yourself whether you have recovered from the depression or not. Perhaps a small dose of therapy and maybe an antidepressant is enough to get the majority back on track..? I don't know. What I have learned is that it's not sufficient treatment for a lot of mental health sufferers, myself included. I appreciate money plays a big part in things and could discuss this issue in A LOT more detail, but suffice to say, when it comes down to it, sufferers of depression, anxiety and so on require long term support and such support is not being delivered or is difficult to find.
Regarding the other forum members: they all seem like nice enough people, but I don't feel there is potential to build the kind of friendships I'd like. I just seem to live differently and have a different attitude to the other members. Perhaps I feel I'm above them as my standard of living and expectations of what I want from my life are higher? Perhaps my age and gender play a big part in my feelings of disconnection also?
I guess it's not surprising that I can't relate to, say, the more typical 45 year old female addict with 2 kids, work aspirations limited to her part time job as a cleaner and spends her free time reading celeb gossip magazines. I'm the complete opposite- A 29 year old single guy, no addictive behaviours, no kids, aspires to be a competent artist and designer who likes video games and philosophy!
[Hmm! My personality is an enigma even to myself as I just don't seem to fit into any generic categories. I'll cover that in future posts!]
Thoughts on the Art Activities:
It's an informal meet held every week and lasts for one and a half hours. I've checked it out twice so far and it doesn't offer me a great deal to be honest. I wanted an excuse to go somewhere new to chat, do some drawing, and be inspired but half the members I've met on these activity days don't just have anxiety or depression issues, but a degree of learning difficulties too. Discussing quantum theory or philosophical, ethical debate isn't something I can get stuck into when I'm sat next to a couple in their 50s slurping on cups of tea, farting, burping and failing to colour in between the lines of a children's Disney colouring book! Lol. As someone who likes deep conversation and drawing to a near professional level, it's a pretty funny contrast! Admittedly there are a few others who I could have a more regular conversation with although I don't think it will be something I'll want to attend on a regular basis if at all any more.
Thoughts on the Walk & Talk:
This was what I had originally enquired about when I joined the group, although I've yet to go on one of the walks. They're on once a month so waiting for the next one to come around. Do I want to go on it already knowing the kind of people likely to attend? Hmm... not really. I'll think about it.
Final Thoughts:
Its always a good thing to have these kinds of groups available to those who want to attend. It's just a shame it doesn't really cater for me personally- In an ideal world it would be a support group for single/lonely 18-40 year olds who are committed to transforming their lives and situation from a state of social anxiety and negative thoughts into social confidence and a positive attitude.
Instead, the current format mainly just give it's 40-50 year old (primarily) members some place to be for one and a half hours a week. That's a start and better than nothing I guess. If I knew there was a need, I'd create my own support group!
Kudos to me for making the effort to check this thing out. It was a positive step in the right direction and you have to give these things a chance to know if they're worth doing or not :)
In an indirect way I liked the fact I felt I was better than most of the members I'd met. I'm sure they all have their own talents and values, but I dressed better, I looked more attractive, I seemed more intelligent, more socially capable and considerate of other people. Yes, yes, it's shallow and egoistical to think you're 'better' than others and get pleasure from that kinda thing, but right now I don't care. My self esteem is at a real low, so I am happy to boost it anyway I can, and perhaps later when I'm feeling more up to it, I can begin to find inner-peace and confidence without needing to stoke my ego by comparing myself to others worse off than me.
Sunday, 26 February 2012
Friendship Feelers on Forums - The results!
To Recap: Two weeks ago I was attempting to meet new people via social anxiety internet forums. Did I find the support buddy I was looking for?
Short answer: No.
Across 7 or 8 different forums I had about 20+ replies welcoming me to their online communities, and I really appreciate it. However, the idea of meeting up 'in real life' wasn't a goal many others shared...
One forum member cynically suggested I'm wasting my time in attempting to be proactive and meet. He/she was probably right if my conclusion is anything to go by. I had an older lady offer to meet for a chat if she was ever in my area. That's great! Although can I relate to her? I couldn't help feel I'd probably have more in common with her teenage children! A few people said they might meet if they were closer, but that's not much good.
The Social Anxiety UK Forums proved the most promising. There was even a section devoted to UK meets! Frustratingly they mostly only sparked interest from members living in bigger cities like London, Manchester and Glasgow.
I contributed my interest to a meet up within my county of residence. There was only a few other replies offering to meet, but that was all I needed for now! Although obviously not everyone was as keen to make the meeting idea a reality as the thread is slowly sinking to the bottom of the pile with me as the last poster having done my best to arrange a time and place to make something happen.
In addition to forum replies, I received a few private messages (mainly on the SAUK forum)~ A few people could really relate to my situation and where I was coming from and it was great to find people wanting to chat to me despite not living around the corner like I'd hope for. I'm not sure if I will make any lasting internet buddies out of these PMs though. Despite several PM exchanges with 2 or 3 members, it's all gone a bit quiet and I'm yet to receive replies to the last messages I'd sent. Its a shame because we all seemed to have a lot in common and had our internet conversation continued for a few more weeks, I might have suggested I visit them. In such a scenario, we'd both get to meet which I'm sure would do us good plus I'd look at is as a mini weekend away with my own personal guide to show me the local sites :D Likewise I'd do the same for them if they wanted to visit near me.
Making friends is tough! I'm obviously going to need to put in even more effort. It's seems so odd, because the people I'd chat to have a lot in common with me and I'm always polite, friendly, try to be positive, try to be funny when I can AND all while doing all the standard "good email communication" tactics like volunteering info about myself for them to reply back to and asking 2-4 questions per email so they're never be stuck when it comes to thinking of something to write back with.
I really did give this approach my all and although I got a lot of positive feedback, I was ultimately unable to finish what I'd set out to do- to find like-minded, fellow anxiety or depression suffers on the net who also wanted to meet locally.
I'll give it a bit more time and perhaps someone new will read my posts and something pro-active will eventually materialize from this? Time will tell.
Short answer: No.
Across 7 or 8 different forums I had about 20+ replies welcoming me to their online communities, and I really appreciate it. However, the idea of meeting up 'in real life' wasn't a goal many others shared...
One forum member cynically suggested I'm wasting my time in attempting to be proactive and meet. He/she was probably right if my conclusion is anything to go by. I had an older lady offer to meet for a chat if she was ever in my area. That's great! Although can I relate to her? I couldn't help feel I'd probably have more in common with her teenage children! A few people said they might meet if they were closer, but that's not much good.
The Social Anxiety UK Forums proved the most promising. There was even a section devoted to UK meets! Frustratingly they mostly only sparked interest from members living in bigger cities like London, Manchester and Glasgow.
I contributed my interest to a meet up within my county of residence. There was only a few other replies offering to meet, but that was all I needed for now! Although obviously not everyone was as keen to make the meeting idea a reality as the thread is slowly sinking to the bottom of the pile with me as the last poster having done my best to arrange a time and place to make something happen.
In addition to forum replies, I received a few private messages (mainly on the SAUK forum)~ A few people could really relate to my situation and where I was coming from and it was great to find people wanting to chat to me despite not living around the corner like I'd hope for. I'm not sure if I will make any lasting internet buddies out of these PMs though. Despite several PM exchanges with 2 or 3 members, it's all gone a bit quiet and I'm yet to receive replies to the last messages I'd sent. Its a shame because we all seemed to have a lot in common and had our internet conversation continued for a few more weeks, I might have suggested I visit them. In such a scenario, we'd both get to meet which I'm sure would do us good plus I'd look at is as a mini weekend away with my own personal guide to show me the local sites :D Likewise I'd do the same for them if they wanted to visit near me.
Making friends is tough! I'm obviously going to need to put in even more effort. It's seems so odd, because the people I'd chat to have a lot in common with me and I'm always polite, friendly, try to be positive, try to be funny when I can AND all while doing all the standard "good email communication" tactics like volunteering info about myself for them to reply back to and asking 2-4 questions per email so they're never be stuck when it comes to thinking of something to write back with.
I really did give this approach my all and although I got a lot of positive feedback, I was ultimately unable to finish what I'd set out to do- to find like-minded, fellow anxiety or depression suffers on the net who also wanted to meet locally.
I'll give it a bit more time and perhaps someone new will read my posts and something pro-active will eventually materialize from this? Time will tell.
Wednesday, 15 February 2012
Ending CBT-style Therapy
For the last 4 months I had been seeing a therapist once a week to try to tackle my issues of negative thoughts, avoidance and fears. Yesterday was my last session after we both concluded that it was not making a significant impact on these aspects of my life.
That's something like the 4th or 5th metal health worker I've seen in attempting to resolve some of my problems, so it's really disappointing to have given it my all and had expectations for lasting change, yet nothing substantial came of the process. Especially as I was refereed to her by a big-name Psychiatrist I'd seen previously who had a lot of faith in her abilities.
The Format:
The first 3 or 4 sessions were pretty much for her to gather an understanding of my issues. I've got A LOT and it was clear that I've been dealing with long term depression and destructive habits for most of my life. Dealing with a case like myself is enough to test anyone I'm sure!
I did feel frustrated that after the 3rd and 4th sessions we were still discussing what's wrong with me instead of taking positive actions to deal with it. Was this too much to ask? Before she met me, she had a chance to check out her referral notes about me and I helped by giving her a really well constructed and concise 2 page document about my life history, my problems and what it was I felt needed attention. To be honest, I hoped we'd be able to role with some solid, positive recovery strategies after the 1st or second session.
I did take the opportunity to say if I felt things were not going as I'd expected and if I was happy. She knew that she wasn't the first person to attempt to tackle my issues so didn't just want to go over the same ground, which was good. If I mentioned I wasn't sure or was expecting more, she replied "it's early days and it wont happen over night". I know I can be quite impatient, so I let her have that one! I guess it makes some sense that if I've been living with a long term habit, I can't just switch it off after a few hours of therapy (or can I?).
The next 10 or 11 sessions were pretty much a mix of listening to my issues and debating the validity of my negative thoughts. It turned out that she did end up going over a lot of the same stuff previous counsellors and therapists had :s This was particularly frustrating when covering certain strategies which I have no faith in or that do not resonate with me. For example:
"Let's explore your childhood"
- let's not! Not because I had a particularly bad one, but more that I don't feel digging up the past is going to help me in the here and now. I felt that previous therapists had got me to do this so that I could dig up a painful memory, make me upset and they would feel they're doing a good job to see me 'release my emotions'.
In theory, that sounds reasonable. In reality, it makes the patient feel shit, then helpless as they can't change their past, and then they leave the session with one extra negative thought in the front of their mind!
My latest therapist assured me this was important to gain understanding of myself and hoped that identifying when a habit may have formed, it would lessened the power my habits have over me. Or at least I think that was her main objective?
In theory, that sound reasonable. In reality, having the insight into my past, is interesting and that's as far as it goes! Common sense tells us that we are a product of our experiences and I can't see how this type of personal insight can even begin to change one's long established habits or the way one interprets the world.
Maybe I missed the point? Maybe childhood regression techniques can help if one can then re-code a past memory or memories? If so, I wasn't aware of any NLP style techniques we used to do this :s And even if I could re-code the first memory I had of a now destructive habit, I do not believe that would negate the 1000s of other times I had gone on to think in the same way as part of the habit, or offset the 'evidence' I'd acquired to support my negative beliefs and thoughts.
So to summarize the whole childhood thing, for me it's a useless strategy. Perhaps unless it's done properly and there's more to it than just 'let's just look at your past'
"Thinking errors and counter statements"
- The idea is for one to recognise their irrational thoughts and to counteract with a positive, rational thought. This sounds great and is what CBT and most therapies I've tried are all about. However, there's a couple of big flaws in this system, for me at least...
Usually this is done via crappy photocopied worksheets from self-help or psychology textbooks. If you've read books like '10 days to self esteem' by David Burns, you know the format. In one column you're asked to think of a negative belief or thought that you regularly have- this is the easy part for most people! In the next column you're asked write why the belief is considered 'irrational' or destructive- this is common sense for most people and so more an exercise in insulting the patient's intelligence. Lastly the patient is asked to consider an opposing , positive thought for the belief or thought.
In theory this sounds like a perfect model for tackling thinking problems and would be if it worked, but it doesn't for a number of reasons:
#1 Certain thoughts may be 'irrational' when compared outside the patient's mind and if one has a different interpretation of the world from the patient. However, rationality is subjective and based on personal experience and knowledge. For example: if I write down "the world is a scary place", such a statement is not irrational in my mind because that is my logical interpretation based on the real-world evidence I have gathered to support this belief! Granted, the evidence is subjective as is one's interpretation of the world, but typically this exercise does not address this subjectivity issue. Instead, you're asked to write down the common sense reply- what most people would consider irrational. So for "the world is a scary place" I might write, "it's not all bad and most of the time bad things don't happen". This is true, and I know it is true! However I will still ultimately ignore this truth and instead put my trust in the equally true and more emotionally powerful evidence I've gathered to support my negative thought.
#2 It is vital for one to believe a positive counter statement. If I hate working out, but tell myself "I like working out", it doesn't change anything- they are just words and can't counteract the well defined, negative experiences or attitudes I have towards working out. The last column makes the assumption that one is in a positive enough mindset to believe in a positive alternative. Sometimes I get really depressed and my brain becomes encased in a negative barrier. It's crucial to get out of this state before attempting such a task. When I'm in negative mode, I realize the blinkers are on and I am unable to comprehend a positivite alternative. So to write down an opposing statement would be of no practical use in the same way writing down "I believe the sky is green" makes it so.
Overall the experience lacked impact:
It all sounds dismissive and as though I'm not giving it a shot. That's not the case! I really do try. I've tried these typical 'challenge the negative thought' exercises many times and they have no lasting impact, so I'm simply stating my reasons for why this is. I have some good ideas of how these could strategies could be improved or replaced with completely new approaches, which I'll save for another post. For now I'm pointing out that while my therapist seemed to have a tool-box full of tools for helping, she didn't know how to use them properly. To expand the analogy- she might be successful hammering a nail into a piece of wood, but I'm like a concrete block so you need to either hit a lot harder or use a different tool and know how to use that tool effectively!
Instead, whenever I asked to discuss certain issues or work in a way she didn't know how I'd get the typical bullshit lines: "we'll look at that later" or "that's something we need to work on" and then always never actually end up working on it! My friend remarked on how, according to a book about the Dalai Lama, therapists will use the "we'll visit that next time" type of phrase when they basically want to shut you up or don't have an answer. Not very encouraging!
I'm hoping to find a therapist or individual that can relate to these obvious therapy flaws and has been driven to formulate the practical, long-term strategies for change which prove to work time and time again- especially with the suborn, 'concrete' cases like myself. I feel the therapists I've seen so far are happy to learn the basic therapy framework at university, from courses or text books and apply it to patients, but don't ask: "why isn't this working?", "how can I make this better", "how can I communicate in a way that my patient can relate to" and so on. I guess it's easier and more beneficial for the therapist's sense of self worth to solve the easier cases and chalk the difficult ones up as unresolvable?
The Good:
She was a nice lady
Reasonably smart and experienced
It was great to offload some of my issues and have her take on what I'm doing and why
Seeing her was a positive step in the right direction and an excuse to leave the house.
She assisted me in discovering a little more about myself
Conclusion:
It wasn't a complete waste as I got some things out of the experience. However it's very disappointing to feel I didn't actually get what I came for! I question if I am indeed an unsolvable case as I put in a lot of effort to 'solve' myself, yet on a day-to-day basis I am often very worried about my current and future prospects, am easily stressed and in an appalling state of mind 75% of the time. However if I could improve the strategies therapists use on me and probably many others and that's not even my job then perhaps there is a strategy that will be beneficial to me? There are people out there who I feel more confident in- I've become a fan of self help guru Anthony Robins recently and if I were to write a comparative case study between his thoughts and strategies and my recent therapist (I wont mention her name) there is no doubt he'd prove far more competent.
One thing I've always felt I need is:
1- motivation
2- an action plan that works for me
3-active support in adhering to my action plan
If someone was knocking on my bedroom door everyday to wake me up, threatened to pour water over me if I lay in and reward me with things to look forward to throughout the day if I get up, then I'm really confident I would finally resolve my sleeping in issue! I will try to do this by myself, but you know what it's like- if you've got someone there who will interrupt your current lifestyle, someone to support you and act as a real-life threat, then it's a totally different experience!
That's something like the 4th or 5th metal health worker I've seen in attempting to resolve some of my problems, so it's really disappointing to have given it my all and had expectations for lasting change, yet nothing substantial came of the process. Especially as I was refereed to her by a big-name Psychiatrist I'd seen previously who had a lot of faith in her abilities.
The Format:
The first 3 or 4 sessions were pretty much for her to gather an understanding of my issues. I've got A LOT and it was clear that I've been dealing with long term depression and destructive habits for most of my life. Dealing with a case like myself is enough to test anyone I'm sure!
I did feel frustrated that after the 3rd and 4th sessions we were still discussing what's wrong with me instead of taking positive actions to deal with it. Was this too much to ask? Before she met me, she had a chance to check out her referral notes about me and I helped by giving her a really well constructed and concise 2 page document about my life history, my problems and what it was I felt needed attention. To be honest, I hoped we'd be able to role with some solid, positive recovery strategies after the 1st or second session.
I did take the opportunity to say if I felt things were not going as I'd expected and if I was happy. She knew that she wasn't the first person to attempt to tackle my issues so didn't just want to go over the same ground, which was good. If I mentioned I wasn't sure or was expecting more, she replied "it's early days and it wont happen over night". I know I can be quite impatient, so I let her have that one! I guess it makes some sense that if I've been living with a long term habit, I can't just switch it off after a few hours of therapy (or can I?).
The next 10 or 11 sessions were pretty much a mix of listening to my issues and debating the validity of my negative thoughts. It turned out that she did end up going over a lot of the same stuff previous counsellors and therapists had :s This was particularly frustrating when covering certain strategies which I have no faith in or that do not resonate with me. For example:
"Let's explore your childhood"
- let's not! Not because I had a particularly bad one, but more that I don't feel digging up the past is going to help me in the here and now. I felt that previous therapists had got me to do this so that I could dig up a painful memory, make me upset and they would feel they're doing a good job to see me 'release my emotions'.
In theory, that sounds reasonable. In reality, it makes the patient feel shit, then helpless as they can't change their past, and then they leave the session with one extra negative thought in the front of their mind!
My latest therapist assured me this was important to gain understanding of myself and hoped that identifying when a habit may have formed, it would lessened the power my habits have over me. Or at least I think that was her main objective?
In theory, that sound reasonable. In reality, having the insight into my past, is interesting and that's as far as it goes! Common sense tells us that we are a product of our experiences and I can't see how this type of personal insight can even begin to change one's long established habits or the way one interprets the world.
Maybe I missed the point? Maybe childhood regression techniques can help if one can then re-code a past memory or memories? If so, I wasn't aware of any NLP style techniques we used to do this :s And even if I could re-code the first memory I had of a now destructive habit, I do not believe that would negate the 1000s of other times I had gone on to think in the same way as part of the habit, or offset the 'evidence' I'd acquired to support my negative beliefs and thoughts.
So to summarize the whole childhood thing, for me it's a useless strategy. Perhaps unless it's done properly and there's more to it than just 'let's just look at your past'
"Thinking errors and counter statements"
- The idea is for one to recognise their irrational thoughts and to counteract with a positive, rational thought. This sounds great and is what CBT and most therapies I've tried are all about. However, there's a couple of big flaws in this system, for me at least...
Usually this is done via crappy photocopied worksheets from self-help or psychology textbooks. If you've read books like '10 days to self esteem' by David Burns, you know the format. In one column you're asked to think of a negative belief or thought that you regularly have- this is the easy part for most people! In the next column you're asked write why the belief is considered 'irrational' or destructive- this is common sense for most people and so more an exercise in insulting the patient's intelligence. Lastly the patient is asked to consider an opposing , positive thought for the belief or thought.
In theory this sounds like a perfect model for tackling thinking problems and would be if it worked, but it doesn't for a number of reasons:
#1 Certain thoughts may be 'irrational' when compared outside the patient's mind and if one has a different interpretation of the world from the patient. However, rationality is subjective and based on personal experience and knowledge. For example: if I write down "the world is a scary place", such a statement is not irrational in my mind because that is my logical interpretation based on the real-world evidence I have gathered to support this belief! Granted, the evidence is subjective as is one's interpretation of the world, but typically this exercise does not address this subjectivity issue. Instead, you're asked to write down the common sense reply- what most people would consider irrational. So for "the world is a scary place" I might write, "it's not all bad and most of the time bad things don't happen". This is true, and I know it is true! However I will still ultimately ignore this truth and instead put my trust in the equally true and more emotionally powerful evidence I've gathered to support my negative thought.
#2 It is vital for one to believe a positive counter statement. If I hate working out, but tell myself "I like working out", it doesn't change anything- they are just words and can't counteract the well defined, negative experiences or attitudes I have towards working out. The last column makes the assumption that one is in a positive enough mindset to believe in a positive alternative. Sometimes I get really depressed and my brain becomes encased in a negative barrier. It's crucial to get out of this state before attempting such a task. When I'm in negative mode, I realize the blinkers are on and I am unable to comprehend a positivite alternative. So to write down an opposing statement would be of no practical use in the same way writing down "I believe the sky is green" makes it so.
Overall the experience lacked impact:
It all sounds dismissive and as though I'm not giving it a shot. That's not the case! I really do try. I've tried these typical 'challenge the negative thought' exercises many times and they have no lasting impact, so I'm simply stating my reasons for why this is. I have some good ideas of how these could strategies could be improved or replaced with completely new approaches, which I'll save for another post. For now I'm pointing out that while my therapist seemed to have a tool-box full of tools for helping, she didn't know how to use them properly. To expand the analogy- she might be successful hammering a nail into a piece of wood, but I'm like a concrete block so you need to either hit a lot harder or use a different tool and know how to use that tool effectively!
Instead, whenever I asked to discuss certain issues or work in a way she didn't know how I'd get the typical bullshit lines: "we'll look at that later" or "that's something we need to work on" and then always never actually end up working on it! My friend remarked on how, according to a book about the Dalai Lama, therapists will use the "we'll visit that next time" type of phrase when they basically want to shut you up or don't have an answer. Not very encouraging!
I'm hoping to find a therapist or individual that can relate to these obvious therapy flaws and has been driven to formulate the practical, long-term strategies for change which prove to work time and time again- especially with the suborn, 'concrete' cases like myself. I feel the therapists I've seen so far are happy to learn the basic therapy framework at university, from courses or text books and apply it to patients, but don't ask: "why isn't this working?", "how can I make this better", "how can I communicate in a way that my patient can relate to" and so on. I guess it's easier and more beneficial for the therapist's sense of self worth to solve the easier cases and chalk the difficult ones up as unresolvable?
The Good:
She was a nice lady
Reasonably smart and experienced
It was great to offload some of my issues and have her take on what I'm doing and why
Seeing her was a positive step in the right direction and an excuse to leave the house.
She assisted me in discovering a little more about myself
Conclusion:
It wasn't a complete waste as I got some things out of the experience. However it's very disappointing to feel I didn't actually get what I came for! I question if I am indeed an unsolvable case as I put in a lot of effort to 'solve' myself, yet on a day-to-day basis I am often very worried about my current and future prospects, am easily stressed and in an appalling state of mind 75% of the time. However if I could improve the strategies therapists use on me and probably many others and that's not even my job then perhaps there is a strategy that will be beneficial to me? There are people out there who I feel more confident in- I've become a fan of self help guru Anthony Robins recently and if I were to write a comparative case study between his thoughts and strategies and my recent therapist (I wont mention her name) there is no doubt he'd prove far more competent.
One thing I've always felt I need is:
1- motivation
2- an action plan that works for me
3-active support in adhering to my action plan
If someone was knocking on my bedroom door everyday to wake me up, threatened to pour water over me if I lay in and reward me with things to look forward to throughout the day if I get up, then I'm really confident I would finally resolve my sleeping in issue! I will try to do this by myself, but you know what it's like- if you've got someone there who will interrupt your current lifestyle, someone to support you and act as a real-life threat, then it's a totally different experience!
Tuesday, 14 February 2012
Sleep and Waking Routines
A few things I'd like to try over the next few weeks:
Before I go to sleep at night, make time for positive self talk or to identify the little good things:
The fact it is quiet and I dont live in a noisy neighbourhood, it's warm and comfortable, I have a big bed all to myself, I get to watch a little bit of TV while in bed without worrying about disturbing anyone- being single has its advantages for sure :D
I know it sounds kinda small and pointless, and I will no doubt have a hard time neglecting my negative thoughts, but I actually did this a few days ago and remember waking up the next day feeling just a little bit brighter, so worth doing!
When I wake up in the mornings listen to positive music or watch a few minutes of an upbeat film... or any film to stop me from lying in bed dwelling while I’m waking up and getting up.
I really need to get out of my current habit of resisting waking up because I feel bad about my life compared to when I’m in bed, sleepy and half-conscious.
This will involve setting aside an extra few minutes at the start and end of the day and I will need to cue up some decent material to listen to and add to my mobile phone alarm, but if it at least makes me feel a little bit happier or makes sleeping and waking times a little easier, then it's more than worth it trialling.
And if all else fails, there's always the option to knock one out to relieve a little stress Lol
Sunday, 12 February 2012
My Ranked Values
I can't remember what site I pulled this survey from, but for the purpose of trying to understand myself better I attempted to put the following values in order of preference. It's tricky when they're all really important! This is where I'm at:
Enjoyment
To enjoy my work. To have fun doing it.
Friendship
To work with people I respect and to be respected by them
Family
To have time with my family
Personal Accomplishment
To achieve significant goals. To be involved in undertakings I believe personally are significant - whether or not they bring me recognition from others.
Expertness
To become a known and respected authority in what I do.
Prestige
To be seen by others as successful. To become well known. To obtain recognition and status in my chosen field.
Wisdom
To grow in understanding of myself, my personal calling and life's real purpose. To grow in knowledge and practice my religious beliefs. To discern and do the will of God and find lasting meaning in what I do.
Independence
To have freedom of thought and action. To be able to act in terms of my own time
schedules and priorities.
Personal Development
To learn and to do challenging work that will help me grow, that will allow me to utilize my best talents and mature as a human being.
Integrity
To live and work in compliance with my personal moral standards. To be honest and acknowledge/stand up for my personal beliefs.
Creativity
To be innovative. To create new and better ways of doing things.
Security
To have a steady income that fully meets my family's basic needs.
Wealth
To earn a great deal of money (i.e., well beyond my family's basic needs). To be financially independent.
Health
To be physically and mentally fit.
Loyalty
To be committed to the goals of a group of people who share my beliefs, values and ethical principles.
Leadership
To motivate and energize other people. To feel responsible for identifying and
accomplishing needed group tasks.
Service
To contribute to the well-being and satisfaction of others. To help people who need help and improve society.
Community
To be deeply involved with a group that has a larger purpose beyond one's self. To perform in effective and caring teamwork.
Location
To be able to live where I want to live.
Power
To have the authority to approve or disapprove proposed courses of action. To make assignments and control allocation of people and resources.
Mini Conclusion - Enjoyment at #1?
It's funny how I put enjoyment at the top, and then when I look at my current, or even past situation I'm typically always doing things I like, even if they are destructive to my overall well-being! I might be tired and need to sleep, hungry and need to eat, I might have work that needs doing or an appointment that needs to be attended, but you know what takes priority? A box set TV series I wanna watch, and Xbox game I wanna play or some sites I wanna visit on the internet! There's nothing wrong with those things, but it's clear my sense of moderation and balance is completely screwed! I know I'm not alone. Millions of people "should" be out fixing their homes or at the gym sculpting their physique, but instead are watching TV, having pointless gossiping sessions with their friends or just wanking off to porn!
I definitely need to work on my sense of balance by getting my priorities straight. This is tough. There is no magic pill to suddenly reverse my thinking. I can't instantly like the thought of working hard when I associate it with the years of abusing or negative self-talk:
* Telling myself it's hard, it hurts
* It's a waste of time
* I'm not doing it right/well enough and this makes me feel inferior
* I've not done it as well as other people and so I'm a failure
* It's generally something shit taking up time which I could be using to do something fun!
The right idea is to be fully aware of and believing in to the positive aspects of work and then to consciously focus on them. So:
* This is working towards my long-term goals
* This will work towards putting me into better habits
* Without failure, I can't learn
* This will make me feel great for achieving something
* This will make me feel like a worthwhile part of society and human, instead of being an indulgent loser
I'll be honest- I still want to sit here all evening and be an indulgent loser rather than work on various projects, but at this stage, I just want to identify who I am and what I'm doing before trying to realign my values while I'm not I'm ready.
Wouldn't it be great if I could find a way to enjoy the things I need to do instead of endure them?
I do think it may be possible to think of 'going to the gym' or 'tackling a difficult work project' while feeling the same sense of ease I get watching late night tv or the same sense of excitement from playing a great video game I'm hooked on! It's probably a case of having the initial drive and then implementing some kind of NLP/CBT techniques? Its something I'd like to look in to.
Friday, 10 February 2012
Limiting Forum Time
I love internet Forums- If its on a topic I'm interested in I could literally read other people's comments and opinions for days on end and sometimes I do! While this is fun and educational, it can suck away massive amounts of time I could be using to be productive. Some simple tips I've decided to use from now on is:
- Know you can only devote a set amount of time to a forum and be conscious of the clock. For example, Limit forum browsing to up to an hour every other day. Feel free to finish browsing posts or commenting before the hour has finished.
- Focus only on topics which really interest you and try to ignore topics of partial interest.
- Don't waste time on long rant posts, especially if they're bitching about their lives. While the act of giving/listening and being empathetic is important, remember I've got my own problems I need to sort out first, rather than try to offer advice or support to others. Instead look for posts which will positively benefit my life.
- Avoid topics and conversations with several pages of replies and instead stick to reading topics with up to 1 page of responses.
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